Sunday, September 30, 2007

Food for the Soul, Sept. 30, 2007

Gather 'round, children. It's time for a family meeting to discuss important matters.

Your blogger is worried that our country's lack of hospitality to the "petty and cruel dictator" of Iran, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, during his recent junket to our country could have dire consequences.

But, never fear. We have the Bull Cook and Authentic Historical Recipes and Practices to tell us what we need to know to prepare for the worst.

I first introduced you to the Bull Cook in early August. It's as much a survival guide as it is a cookbook. It was published in 1960 by George and Berthe Herter. At that time, lurking behind every day was the fear that we were going to be bombed into oblivion by the Soviet Union. Today, the former Soviet countries are too busy fighting amongst themselves to be much of a threat. The Chinese have found dog food and toys to be more effective weapons than bombs. Iraqi WMDs are still in hiding. And the North Koreans are (for the moment) behaving themselves. So, our main concern turns to Iran. And although Ahmadinejad says bombs are so yesterday, you can never be too sure. Especially in the wake of a severe public dressing down.

So I rushed to the bookshelf, pulled down the Bull Cook and turned to its final entry - "In Case of a Hyrdrogen Bomb Attack You Must Know the Ways of the Wilderness in Order to Survive."

George Herter warns that if we do have a bomb attack, every major city and most of the rest of the country will be wiped out in less than 30 minutes. Then he begins to debunk conventional wisdom about attacks and shares with us his insights and personal intelligence on how to survive the holocaust:

In reading some of the official rot put out about survival in case of a bombing attack it shows that the people putting it out have no first hand knowledge of what they are talking about. I am just going to take the time to say a few words about it here as if an attack comes I do not want my friends dying needlessly. I have been through bombings and have talked to people all over Europe that have been bombed out and what I say here are the true facts of the matter not political dribble.

He warns that basements, sewers and other urban hiding places will be far too dangerous for various reasons. George's best advice - If at all possible get in a cave.

Stock your cave well, advises George. Make sure you have lots of wood, blankets and food. Here is his shopping list of essential items for your cave:

Have a reserve of food consisting of dried beans, dried peas, dried potatoes, dried milk, bacon, canned shortening, sugar, peanut butter, powdered coffee, and tea, chocolate, salt, pepper, macaroni, flour and baking powder. Have at least 1,000 matches in a waterpfoof container. In World War II matches in some countries were $25.00 a box on the black market when available.

George also warns that bombings bring looting and the looting is done in most cases by so-called friends that live near you. For this, he suggests that your cave be equipped with a .22 caliber rifle and at least 1,000 rounds of ammunition.

Also needed will be 6 number 1-1/2 traps and 2 twenty foot coils of woven picture frame wire for snares; 100 fish hooks in assorted sizes; 200 yards of nylon fishing line in a variety of weights; a half pint of iodine; and a year's supply of laxative. Although he didn't mention it, a year's supply of laxative should probably be accompanied by a year's supply of toilet paper.

He also recommended stocking 5 one-pound cans of tobacco. This is your fortune. If there is any food or material available that you need, the tobacco will get it for you when money will not. Remember, this guide was written in 1960, when everybody smoked. Instead of tobacco, maybe today's cave should be stocked with crack or Starbuck's.

Of course, also make sure you take your copy of the Bull Cook with you. And while you're comfortably nestled in your cave, watching the nuclear ash float to the ground, take a moment to say thanks to the Herters.

That's it for now. I'm off to hoarde matches.

Good luck.

1 comment:

peteej said...

Stockpile coffee, definitely. The only problem is that I wouldn't be willing to give it up. Hmmm, maybe matches is a better idea. But there's one problem - I have no cave to hide in here in Florida. Just a lot of mud. And snakes. And alligators.